Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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