Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
