That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
