My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
