were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize