Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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