I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
