i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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