I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
