My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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