if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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