Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
