I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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