His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
