how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
