she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
