so explain again why im purple
no
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
