Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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