I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
