Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Your penis caused this!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize