I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
