grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
