I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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