We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
