I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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