I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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