FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
