I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize