I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
