I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
