Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
