I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
