So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
