i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
