Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
