Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
