According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
