thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
