The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I cut my penus on the lid.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
