When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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