I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize