Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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