i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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