I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
