she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
