I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize