I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
