so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You're a waste of cheezeits
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
