they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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