420 ftw
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
