are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
and you fell through a lawn chair
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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