I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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