My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
