I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
