brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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