We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
