My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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