Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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