mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Randomize
