hotel room ftw
Porn is love you can see.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Sext me about skeletons
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
