you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
