I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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