did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
