So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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