i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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