I faked an abortion last night.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
