The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
