my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
