she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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