we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Is it penis luge time yet?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
