You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
