He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
