so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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