the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
