You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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