what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
