Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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