oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
