i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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