A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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