the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
