TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
